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All the Way Up Your Nose!


...and on your lips and on your eyeballs and in your ears! No joke. F-ing bush flies. As a Canadian I pride myself on being able to tough it out. Seriously. I can handle -40℃. In fact, I welcome it (sort of). Bring it on Old Man Winter. Bring it! In the summer I can handle flies - horse flies, wasps, hornets, mosquitos. Bring it! Mosquito coils and citronella candles are for pansies. Head net? Head nets are for the weak. In fact, I laugh in the face of head nets. Until Australia. I never thought I would ever wear a head net. Never. Even in the worst Canadian mozzie (mosquito) season I would never think to don such fashionable head gear. Never. Until Australia. I was told about the bushman’s wave. Wave the flies away while you talk, eat, drink. Wave the flies away from your face. Wave the flies away so they don’t get in your ears, your eyes, your lips, your nose. That’s the bushman’s wave. I bought head nets because I was advised the flies were bad and I would need it. Honestly though, I bought head-nets for humour sake, an Insta photo op. My first experience with bush flies was annoying. There were a few buzzing around, but I was able to manage with a wave here and a wave there. My second experience with bush flies was maddening. They had doubled in number and swarmed my head. The waving became more frantic. I refused to relent and put on the head net. My third experience with bush flies made me want to hide and cry. They had tripled in number, quadrupled! The flies were on full attack mode. The war was on. I couldn’t take a swig of my refreshing lemonade without them swarming my lips. They were in my ears, on my eyes, up my nose! I couldn’t wave my hands fast enough! I finally relented. The white flag came out and I put the head net on. Relief at last! There is a magic time of day just after the sun goes down when the bush flies disappear. The head net comes off and the bushman’s wave is retired, until the next day when it starts all over again. To the bush flies of Australia, you win. Your annoying relentless persistence makes you tougher than me. To you, I give you my Canadian salute!

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